Dr. Leahcim Semaj
Psychologist | Author | Social Philosopher | Spiritual Guide | Management Consultant

A Call for Responsibility in Parenting

When will we start telling the truth? When will we stop excusing irresponsibility? In Jamaica, the majority of children are born without a father’s name on their birth certificate. This reflects a crisis in decision-making among many Jamaican women regarding whom they choose to have children with. Too often, these relationships lack love, commitment, and in some cases, even familiarity with the father’s name.

Was she a victim or a volunteer?

Many Jamaican men are equally governed by their impulses. Some even openly admit to being “dogs.” But do women who engage in the same reckless behavior acknowledge that they are “bitches”? Regardless, the real victim of these choices is the child, who is brought into a world where stability, love, and proper support are often absent.

Years ago, when then-Prime Minister P.J. Patterson raised concerns about values and attitudes, the discussion failed to gain traction. However, we continue to pay the price for this neglect. Many women are choosing to have children with irresponsible men, while many men fail to rise above the role of “stud service” and “sperm donors,” roles historically imposed on them during slavery.

The Drive is to seek Sex, not to Parent

Evolutionary psychology suggests that men, like all living beings, are driven by reproduction-related instincts, but it’s equally true that human behavior is shaped by culture, education, and personal choices.

If the biological inclination leans more toward seeking sex than responsible parenting, then the solution lies in deliberate socialization and structural interventions to align natural impulses with societal well-being. Here’s what can be done:

1. Reframe Masculinity

• Shift the narrative: Instead of defining masculinity by sexual conquest, redefine it to include responsibility, emotional intelligence, and commitment.
• Highlight role models: Showcase examples of men who balance ambition, relationships, and fatherhood successfully.

2. Strengthen Early Socialization

• Boys should be raised with strong messages about accountability in relationships.
• Schools and community programs should promote responsible fatherhood early.

3. Policy and Legal Measures

• Strengthen child support laws to ensure that absent fathers contribute financially.
• Offer incentives for active fatherhood, such as paternity leave and support for engaged fathers.

4. Community and Peer Support

• Create mentorship programs where responsible fathers guide younger men.
• Establish community-led fatherhood initiatives that encourage active parenting.

5. Sexual Responsibility Education

• Promote discussions around consent, commitment, and the long-term consequences of casual sex.
• Encourage men to see sex as a relational act, not just a biological drive.

6. Psychological and Cultural Interventions

• Challenge harmful cultural narratives that glorify multiple sexual partners but ignore fatherhood responsibilities.
• Help men develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence to make more conscious choices.

While the biological drive for sex is strong, so is the capacity for learning, adapting, and taking responsibility. The challenge is to create systems that encourage and reward responsible fatherhood rather than leaving it to chance.

Lessons from the United States

The issue of fatherless children is not unique to Jamaica. In the U.S., former President George W. Bush highlighted the consequences of a 30-year-old welfare system that had fostered dependency across generations. He proposed policies aimed at strengthening marriages and families, though critics argued that government should not interfere in personal relationships.

While single mothers often do heroic work, Bush pointed out that both women and children would benefit if fathers lived up to their responsibilities. The devolution of family structures, fueled by crime and violence, is an urgent issue that Jamaica must confront.

At the time, the U.S. faced a persistent 33% out-of-wedlock birth rate. The government responded by funding experimental programs, such as public education campaigns on marriage benefits and premarital counseling. Bush also advocated for a $135 million abstinence education initiative, arguing that abstinence is the only 100% effective way to prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.

The Three Stages of Adulthood

The transition to adulthood follows three critical stages:

1. Work – The first step of adulthood is earning a living. Being able to support yourself is the foundational requirement for responsible decision-making. This is how you “pay rent” for occupying space on Earth.
2. Intimacy – The ability to support oneself allows a person to contribute meaningfully to a relationship. A successful partnership requires emotional stability and maturity, not just financial independence. In relationships, two incomplete individuals do not form a whole; instead, they create a partnership burdened by unresolved personal issues.
3. Parenting – You are not ready to be a parent until you can provide for yourself. A child needs two parents who can support themselves and each other—financially, emotionally, and socially. Parenting is far more than the biological combination of egg and sperm; it requires a stable and nurturing environment.

Evolutionary psychology suggests that men, like all living beings, are driven by reproduction-related instincts, but it’s equally true that human behavior is shaped by culture, education, and personal choices.

If the biological inclination leans more toward seeking sex than responsible parenting, then the solution lies in deliberate socialization and structural interventions to align natural impulses with societal well-being. Here’s what can be done:

1. Reframe Masculinity

• Shift the narrative: Instead of defining masculinity by sexual conquest, redefine it to include responsibility, emotional intelligence, and commitment.
• Highlight role models: Showcase examples of men who balance ambition, relationships, and fatherhood successfully.

2. Strengthen Early Socialization

• Boys should be raised with strong messages about accountability in relationships.
• Schools and community programs should promote responsible fatherhood early.

3. Policy and Legal Measures

• Strengthen child support laws to ensure that absent fathers contribute financially.
• Offer incentives for active fatherhood, such as paternity leave and support for engaged fathers.

4. Community and Peer Support

• Create mentorship programs where responsible fathers guide younger men.
• Establish community-led fatherhood initiatives that encourage active parenting.

5. Sexual Responsibility Education

• Promote discussions around consent, commitment, and the long-term consequences of casual sex.
• Encourage men to see sex as a relational act, not just a biological drive.

6. Psychological and Cultural Interventions

• Challenge harmful cultural narratives that glorify multiple sexual partners but ignore fatherhood responsibilities.
• Help men develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence to make more conscious choices.

While the biological drive for sex is strong, so is the capacity for learning, adapting, and taking responsibility. The challenge is to create systems that encourage and reward responsible fatherhood rather than leaving it to chance.

The Long-Term Solution to Crime and Violence: The Two-Parent Family

Research has consistently shown that family structure is one of the most significant factors influencing social stability and crime rates:

• Fact: Fatherless boys are more likely to engage in criminal activity.
• Fact: A man in the home is the most critical factor in the socialization of boys.

Given these realities, we must make better life choices. Choosing a partner is akin to playing dominoes—success starts with selecting good cards.

As the esteemed Theodore Hesburgh stated, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” (Readers Digest, January 1963)

By fostering stronger families, we can rebuild our society, reduce crime, and create a future where every child has the love and support they need to thrive.

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