Dr. Leahcim Semaj
Psychologist | Author | Social Philosopher | Spiritual Guide | Management Consultant
I saw Basil Dawkins’ play, “First Lady”. He dramatically presents three manifestations/ operationalization of ‘love’ as expressed and experienced today. The lessons presented go well beyond the script and dramatization.
There are men who are obsessively attracted to women who are not reciprocally attracted to them. These men attempt to ‘buy’ the woman’s love with lavish gifts and money. She accepts the benefits but no positive emotions or desire develops in her. This motivates the man to try harder. What are the likely outcomes, from ‘most likely’ to ‘least likely’?
There are women who work for many years as ‘maids’ in the homes of couples as described above. She provides much of the emotional support and affection for the man that is largely lacking from the wife. What are the likely outcomes, from ‘most likely’ to ‘least likely’?
Love is a Decision: A Jungian Perspective on Relationships, Obsession, and Fulfillment
Carl Jung’s assertion that “Love is a decision” challenges the conventional idea that love is purely an uncontrollable emotion. Instead, it suggests that love requires conscious choices, responsibility, and intentional action. This perspective can profoundly impact relationships, especially in complex romantic dynamics where one-sided affection, neglect, or emotional entanglement leads to frustration and dysfunction.
Two common relational dilemmas illustrate the significance of this idea:
- A man obsessed with a woman who does not reciprocate his feelings.
- A long-time maid emotionally supporting a married man in a neglected marriage.
Additionally, the perspective of the wife—often the silent participant in this dynamic—must also be considered.
By applying Jung’s philosophy of love as a decision, all parties involved can make healthier choices that lead to fulfillment rather than heartache.
Scenario 1: The Man Obsessed with an Unreciprocating Woman
Some men believe they can buy love with grand gestures, money, and extravagant gifts. They pursue a woman who enjoys the benefits but does not develop genuine affection for them. Instead of recognizing the imbalance, the man tries harder, often leading to frustration, resentment, and even self-destruction.
Likely Outcomes (From Most to Least Probable):
- Continued One-Sided Pursuit – He keeps investing, hoping she will change her feelings.
- Escalation of Efforts – He increases his financial and emotional investment.
- Frustration and Emotional Breakdown – He realizes his efforts are futile.
- Resentment and Retaliation – He may become bitter or attempt to guilt her.
- Financial Ruin – Overspending can lead to serious economic consequences.
- Potential for Dangerous Behavior – In extreme cases, obsession could turn into stalking or coercion. Worse case scenario – murder/suicide.
Applying ‘Love is a Decision’
If the man embraces love as a conscious choice, he can shift his approach to relationships:
✅ Accept Reality & Move On – He acknowledges that love cannot be forced or bought.
✅ Develop Self-Worth – Instead of seeking validation through money, he works on self-improvement.
✅ Choose a Compatible Partner – He stops wasting time and affection on someone who does not reciprocate.
✅ Achieve Emotional Peace – He lets go of frustration and disappointment.
✅ Prevent Harmful Consequences – He avoids self-destruction and financial ruin.
By making intentional choices about love, he transforms his experience from obsession and pain into self-growth and a healthier romantic future.
Scenario 2: The Maid Providing Emotional Support to a Married Man
In many cases, maids or long-term domestic workers become emotional anchors for men whose wives are emotionally distant. While the relationship starts as purely professional, over time, the maid may provide support, comfort, and even affection that the man is missing in his marriage.
Likely Outcomes (From Most to Least Probable):
- An Unspoken Emotional Affair – The maid becomes the man’s emotional refuge.
- Secret Physical Affair – Emotional closeness may lead to intimacy.
- Discovery and Conflict – The wife may eventually notice the bond.
- Divorce or Separation – If the relationship escalates, it may lead to marital dissolution.
- Marriage or Long-Term Partnership – In rare cases, the man may marry the maid.
- Manipulative Dynamics – If either party sees an opportunity, power dynamics may shift.
Applying ‘Love is a Decision’
If both the maid and the married man adopt Jung’s philosophy, they can make healthier decisions:
✅ Set Boundaries – The maid maintains professionalism and emotional detachment.
✅ Encourage Marital Resolution – Instead of deepening an affair, she encourages him to fix his marriage.
✅ Avoid a Secret Affair – Love as a decision means acting with integrity, avoiding deceit.
✅ Prioritize Self-Respect – The maid seeks her own life fulfillment rather than settling for an emotional crutch role.
✅ Foster Respect and Honesty – If the marriage is truly over, they can approach a relationship openly, not in secrecy.
Instead of being pulled into an entanglement, a decision-based approach to love allows for clearer thinking, ethical choices, and long-term well-being.
The Wife’s Perspective: Choosing Love or Change
The wife in this dynamic is a critical part of the equation. Many wives drift into emotional complacency, assuming that marriage is permanent and requiring little maintenance. However, if she consciously applies ‘love as a decision,’ she can transform the situation.
Likely Outcomes (From Most to Least Probable):
- Passive Continuation – She remains emotionally detached, assuming everything is fine, or accepting that this is her lot, the hand that she has been dealt.
- Increasing Distance in the Marriage – Her husband withdraws further, seeking emotional comfort elsewhere.
- Marital Conflict – If the affair is discovered, confrontation arises.
- Divorce or Separation – If no resolution is found, the marriage dissolves.
- Renewed Commitment to the Marriage – If she actively decides to re-engage, the relationship can be saved.
- Personal Growth & Independence – Whether staying or leaving, she reclaims her own happiness.
Applying ‘Love is a Decision’
If the wife embraces conscious love, she takes ownership of her role and makes an intentional choice:
✅ Assess the Marriage Honestly – She recognizes whether she still loves her husband and if changes are needed.
✅ Rebuild the Relationship or Let It Go – Instead of drifting, she either reinvests in the marriage or leaves with dignity.
✅ Take Ownership of Her Role – She reflects on how she has contributed to emotional distance.
✅ Prioritize Self-Growth – She ensures that her happiness is not solely dependent on the marriage.
Instead of allowing love to erode passively, she takes action to either heal the marriage or move on with clarity.
Final Takeaway: Love as a Decision vs. Love as an Emotion
Many people believe love just happens, but Jung’s perspective reminds us that love is a deliberate, conscious act.
✅ The obsessed man can choose to walk away from unreciprocated love instead of trying to buy affection.
✅ The maid can set boundaries and seek her own fulfillment rather than falling into an emotional trap.
✅ The wife can actively work on her marriage or leave with intention, rather than letting the relationship slowly deteriorate.
When love is seen as a decision:
- People make wiser, healthier choices about their relationships.
- Self-respect and emotional intelligence improve.
- Toxic cycles of obsession, neglect, or dependency are broken.
By applying this philosophy, all parties involved can create a more fulfilling and meaningful love life—one based on choice, not mere circumstance.
This article provides a Jungian lens on one-sided love, emotional affairs, and marital complacency, offering clear solutions to navigate these complex dynamics with self-respect, integrity, and wisdom.
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A Note to My Readers
I write not to convince or convert, but simply to share insights gained from years of observation, study, and experience. What I offer here are perspectives — reflections meant to inspire thought, not debates.
If my words resonate with you, I welcome that. If they do not, I invite you to simply take what serves you and leave the rest.
My consultation sessions are quite different. They are sacred spaces where I partner with individuals who are seeking clarity, transformation, and growth in their own lives. If that is what you desire, I would be honored to assist you.
Until then, may you continue your journey with curiosity and grace.
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Dr. Leahcim Semaj
Psychologist | Author | Speaker | Workshops | Management Consultant | Spiritual Guide | Social Philosopher
