Dr. Leahcim Semaj
Psychologist | Author | Social Philosopher | Spiritual Guide | Management Consultant
“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” – Isaac Asimov
Throughout history, violence has worn many masks — conquest, punishment, discipline, revenge, and even justice. But behind every act of violence is a human being, and more often than not, that human being is a man. In virtually every society, across time and geography, men have been both the primary perpetrators and the primary victims of violence. Yet today, when we speak of “gender-based violence,” our concern overwhelmingly — and understandably — focuses on the suffering of women.
This blog invites you into a deeper reflection:
Why is the death of a woman mourned with moral outrage, but the death of a man often met with stoic silence?
Are men expendable, and are women exempted from accountability?
Violence and Gender Through History
In the chronicles of civilization, men have long filled the roles of warriors, executioners, and enforcers. They were sent to war, conscripted into armies, and sacrificed in the name of kingdoms, gods, or ideologies. The very definition of masculinity became entangled with the capacity to inflict or endure violence. Dying in battle was called honor. Dying at home — neglect, suicide, workplace hazards — was often just unnoticed.
Simultaneously, women were framed as needing protection — not only from other men, but often from the men closest to them. Patriarchy did not merely oppress women; it also conscripted men into roles that placed their lives on the line. Women were idealized as mothers, nurturers, and victims; men as protectors, providers, and — too often — collateral damage.
The Origins of “Gender-Based Violence”
The term gender-based violence emerged in the late 20th century within feminist discourse and international human rights frameworks. It aimed to highlight patterns of violence directed at individuals because of their gender identity — particularly violence rooted in patriarchal power structures that marginalized women and girls.
It was a necessary reframing. Domestic abuse, sexual violence, and femicide were long dismissed as private matters or “passions of men.” Giving these acts a name gave victims a voice and demanded public accountability. Laws were changed. Shelters were built. Awareness grew.
But something else happened. The term became synonymous with violence against women — as if gender-based violence only flowed in one direction. Men, and their suffering, were largely written out of the narrative.
The Forgotten Victims: 75% of Homicide Victims Are Male
Globally, men account for approximately 75% of all homicide victims. In some regions, that figure climbs even higher. Most are killed by other men. Often young. Often poor. Often in environments shaped by systemic inequality, gang dynamics, or armed conflict. Yet these deaths — by gun, by blade, by fist — rarely inspire candlelight vigils or global campaigns.
Why?
Is it because we accept the deaths of men as normal?
Are boys being socialized to believe that their lives are less valuable?
Have we internalized a world in which the expendability of men is built into culture, policy, and even compassion?
And what happens when society only recognizes the suffering of one gender?
War, Violence, and Cultural Blind Spots
Across centuries, war has been one of the most glorified and gendered forms of violence. Men have been drafted, armed, and sent to kill — or be killed — in the service of national pride. In most societies, the deaths of soldiers are valorized, while the deaths of civilians, particularly women and children, are mourned as tragedies.
This pattern reflects a brutal calculus: men are expected to die for causes. Women are expected to be spared — or avenged.
But even outside of warzones, this asymmetry persists. A man beaten to death in a street fight is rarely seen as a victim of gender-based violence. A woman slapped by her partner may be. And indeed, she should be protected. But so too should the boy bullied into silence, the man stabbed in a gang rivalry, or the father who ends his own life from untreated trauma.
Violence is not the sole domain of any gender.
Reimagining Justice and Healing
If we are to truly evolve, we must stop dividing suffering by sex and start uniting in the rejection of violence — all violence.
Violence between nations.
Violence in our homes.
Violence between men and women.
Violence in the name of honor, loyalty, or pride.
It is time to teach that strength is not in the clenched fist, but in the open hand.
That being a man does not mean being expendable.
That being a woman does not mean being exempt.
That true power is measured in restraint, empathy, and the capacity to settle disputes without inflicting harm.
Towards a More Compassionate World
What would it look like if every death, every bruise, every cry for help — whether from a man, woman, or child — was treated with equal urgency? What if we taught young boys that their tears are not weakness, and young girls that their strength need not come through suffering?
At the Semaj MindSpa, we believe the path forward begins within.
Healing. Listening. Transforming.
We are not enemies. We are reflections.
Let us build a world where no one is expendable — and no one is exempt from responsibility.
Time For Reflection
Have you ever found yourself downplaying the suffering of one gender while emphasizing the pain of another?
What beliefs or cultural norms may be shaping your responses to violence?
A Note to My Readers
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I don’t write to convince or convert — only to share insights gained from years of observation, study, and experience. These are simply perspectives, offered to inspire thought, not debate.
If my words resonate with you, I welcome that. If not, I invite you to take what serves you and leave the rest.
My consultation sessions are different. They are sacred spaces where I partner with individuals who are seeking clarity, transformation, and growth. If that’s what you desire, I would be honored to support your journey.
Until then, may you continue forward with curiosity and grace.