Life Is Too Precious to Meet Only at Funerals
There was a time when families gathered because they wanted to. Schoolmates planned reunions years in advance. Cousins filled grandparents’ homes with laughter. Friends travelled across parishes or across oceans simply to spend a weekend together. There was food, music, old stories, photographs, teasing, and promises that next year would be even bigger.
Somewhere along the way, something changed. Today, many of us gather for entirely different reasons. The phone rings. Someone has died. We rearrange our schedules, buy a black outfit, travel across the island, stand around a coffin, exchange memories, eat at the repast, hug relatives we have not seen in years….and then disappear again until the next funeral. For many people over sixty, this has quietly become the rhythm of life. Not reunions. Repasts.
A Difficult Question
If you are over 60, ask yourself honestly:
How many funerals have you attended in the past six months?
Three? Five? Ten?
Now ask another question: When was the last family reunion you attended? When did your schoolmates last gather simply to celebrate still being alive? When did your siblings spend an afternoon together with no agenda except enjoying each other’s company? For many people, the answer is uncomfortable. The funerals are easy to remember. The reunions require thought.
We Wait Too Long
One of psychology’s greatest ironies is that we often appreciate people most after they are gone. At funerals we hear things we never said while they were alive. “He was always there for me.” “I never thanked her.” “I wish I had visited more often.” “I kept meaning to call.”
The tragedy is not death. Death is inevitable. The tragedy is postponed affection. We assume there will always be another Christmas. Another birthday. Another summer. Another chance. Life rarely makes such promises.
The Mathematics of Aging
When we are young, our social world expands effortlessly. We meet classmates, University friends, work colleagues, neighbours, parents of our children’s friends. By our sixties, however, something begins to happen. Retirement changes routines. Children move overseas. Friends relocate. Illness limits mobility. Deaths begin to outnumber births. Without conscious effort, our social circle starts shrinking. Not because we love people less. Simply because life keeps moving. The danger is that we become passive observers of our own relationships.
Relationships Need Maintenance
Most people service their cars more often than they service their friendships. We schedule dental appointments; Medical check-ups; Insurance renewals; Mortgage payments. But when did you schedule time to reconnect with the people who helped make you who you are? Relationships, like gardens, do not flourish through neglect. They require tending.
A phone call. A lunch. A visit. A weekend together. A reunion.
Small investments made consistently produce lifelong dividends.
The Psychology of Shared Memory
One of the most powerful forms of emotional wellbeing comes from shared history. Old friends remember versions of ourselves that no one else knows. Your childhood friend remembers your first bicycle. Your schoolmate remembers the teacher everyone feared. Your cousin remembers family Christmases that your children never experienced. These memories remind us that we belong somewhere. That our lives have continuity. That we are part of a story larger than ourselves. Loneliness is not simply the absence of people. Sometimes it is the absence of shared memories.
Your Reunion Does Not Need a Committee
Many reunions never happen because everyone waits for someone else to organise them. Why not become that person? Invite five old friends for lunch. Call your cousins. Plan a Sunday gathering. Reconnect with former classmates. Visit an elderly aunt who once cared for you. Host a family breakfast instead of waiting for Christmas. Do not wait for perfect. Create meaningful.
The Anchor Leg of Life
One of the central ideas of the Semaj MindSpa is that the Anchor Leg of life is not simply about surviving longer. It is about living more deeply. Health matters, Purpose matters, Financial security matters. But relationships give meaning to all three. The final decades of life should not become a procession from one funeral to the next. They should become a celebration of friendships that endured, families that remained connected, and memories still waiting to be created.
Life Is for the Living
Perhaps the greatest tribute we can pay those who have passed is not simply attending their funeral. It is learning from it. Call someone today. Visit someone this week. Plan a reunion this year. Tell people what they have meant to your life while they can still hear the words. Because one day, someone may stand at your funeral wishing they had spent more time with you.
Do not let that become the story of your relationships. Life was never meant to be measured only by the number of repasts we attend. It should also be measured by the reunions we create. By the laughter we rekindle. By the hands we hold. By the memories we choose to make while we still can. Life is for living.
MindSpa Reflection
Who helped shape the person you became?
Choose one person today.
Call them.
Visit them.
Thank them.
Then begin planning your next reunion, before life plans another repast.
